Like the other day at lunch with my kindergartner at his elementary school. A fellow 5-year old just walked right up and said, "Miss Dawn, are you and your husband still married? Because when we drawed pictures of our houses in class, your son drawed two houses." I looked at him with a stunned face. What I almost uttered was... (well, you really don't want to know).
Instead, I smiled politely and said, "No, sweetheart. Darling boy's daddy and I are not married anymore, and your classmate does indeed live in two houses."
His response was what stunned me! "Cool, Miss Dawn! He has two rooms? And two toy bins?" Then suddenly, he looked confused. "But what days does he stay where?"
Lordy, if he knew how long it took us to work that out......
Anyway, I later saw the drawings and descriptions of my angel's two houses, and tears filled my eyes. This is just not what I wanted for him. For me. For his sister. For his daddy...
But a wise friend keeps telling me: it just is what it is.
Of course, boy-child came running home to say that he drew a picture of daddy's house biggest only because when they pulled up Google Earth in class, he picked mommy's house to show and describe to his class. Honestly? He's 6. Shouldn't he only be worried about chase on the playground? Or what he gets for snack time?
Sigh.
It is what it is.
Then there's the whole working-on-TV-thingy-that-attracts-certain-freaks aspect of my life. Those people I've never met who call or message me daily. "Ms. Scott, I saw you're not wearing a ring, so I was just wondering 'Are you married? And if not, maybe we could meet?'" How do I even respond? I just decided to start wearing my mother's old ring on my ring finger.
Other women ask me often (with eyes lighting up, I might add) what it's like to date and share with me that their married lives are boring and that, in some cases, their marriages are terrible. As if I'm the one out here livin' the dream! As if I'm even dating! Friends, I. Did. Not. Want. This. But it's what my life is, and I accept it. And there is a reason for it, whether I know it or not.
Honestly (confession time), it is kinda lonely sometimes. The hopeless romantic I am, I often wander off into fantasyland, where the perfect love is just waiting for me, wrapped up in a beautiful package, ready to sweep me off my feet.
*snap*
Back to reality, little heart of mine! We all know that doesn't exist. Love is all imperfection and rocky, and people are messy and hurting and healing. And it's lovely all at the same time.
I also know in my heart that the love I dreamt of all my waking life is really right before my eyes: in the form of a 4-year old little girl and a 6-year old little boy. The absolute embodiment of all things pure and innocent and love. The two babies who run around on this earth with my heart on their sleeves.
The other night on the set in the TV studio just before our show began, the evening news ended with a story of a 91-year old man who reconnected and proposed to an 81-year old woman, over half a century after first working together. A precious love story! My co-anchor and I nearly cried upon hearing that man say out loud in his aged, tattered voice: "Love is a great place to spend the rest of your life."
It really is. In whatever form it comes.
Until people come to grips with the fallacy that is modern, western, societal expectations: go to college, get a "real" job, get (and stay) married, have kids (not necessarily in that order), work 45+ years, retire, we will continue to experience what you describe above. However, once people begin to realize and acknowledge that there are other paths people may take in life, we will begin to see a society that is more in line with what we "want" the future to be. To that end, things are changing, albeit slowly, but look at how society views any number of issues today as compared to 20, 50, 75, 100 years ago (beyond the 100-ish year mark there is such a marked change in technological perspective as to make it, arguably, a different era in human development.
ReplyDeleteAll that said, setting the example to your children of how to lead your own life in a manner that is "yours", encourages them to be "themselves", which is ultimately what we need each generation to be/do in order to evolve society in an effective manner.
i've never been married, no kids, and boy do i hear about it. and everyone wants to offer an opinion to "fix" me so i can get a man. if i wanted just to be married, sure, i could do that. but i wanna be happy and in love! not marrying just to make everyone else happy. that's so crazy with strangers noticing on the news, but i guess it's totally true. never thought about it like that.
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