But Lord, am I hangin.... The quiet, yet oh-so-heavy push and pull of motherhood leaves me completely worn.
It was a perfect Mother's Day morning. The children woke me with all kinds of preciousness. Lovely homemade cards and notes. My 7-year old son painted a wooden square so beautifully, my eyes welled with tears. 5-year old baby girl personalized a flower pot for me to keep "forever and all the days."
The only table left was outside. Girl-child started bawling because it was too cold to sit outside (*think wails and alligator tears*). Boy child put his arms inside the sleeves of his t-shirt and fake-shivers throughout the first half of our meal.
Then there was the incident on the restaurant's outdoor gate upon which they were hanging...
No rest for a weary mom. Discipline-central while the entire mom-brunch-crowd watched.
Once home, petty property disputes ensued, with baby girl ultimately getting whacked in the lip with a Frisbee and bleeding.
Oh, the joy!
Let me say this: my children are not bad kids. They are well-behaved, polite, thoughtful and wonderful children. But they are just that: children. Kids with minds of their own. Not to be controlled, but directed and disciplined with love.
And it never, ever stops. Not even on Mother's Day. ESPECIALLY not on Mother's Day!
I had a thought the other day that there was no way I was going to be able to do this until they are age eighteen. Then I realized, it's not going to stop when they're eighteen. It's never going to stop as long as I'm alive!
And I'm glad. And I'm grateful. It's what brings me the most joy. What makes me feel alive and spirited, with a purpose greater than what I can understand.
But man, it's hard, isn't it? I will confess that it's easier for me to be on-air than it is to be a really good mother sometimes.
During my morning mediation on Mother's Day, I took a moment for all the women who've never been able to have children, all the moms who've lost children, and all those mothers who struggle day-in and day-out like I do with the mundane toy-fights, hair-pulling, and tantrum-throwing, whether our kids are age two or twenty two. I closed my eyes and realized I am part of a giant circle of women sharing the highs and lows of this selfless journey called motherhood. We are never alone. And that is an exquisite gift.
All of us are sharing these days of meltdowns, tough lessons, cranky moods. Shaping the behavior of little beings who will hopefully grow up to one day be happy, healthy adults. Delightful days which also contain laughter and so much love it almost hurts.
And despite this day-after-mother's day hangin', despite being completely exhausted, there's truly nothing better.