But my beloved aunt is in the hospital with leukemia. Here she is on her 53rd birthday, still smiling with her surprise birthday hat and glasses and tie, despite a 7-day, 24-hour chemo drip.
She came to Arkansas from California on vacation at the beginning of June. We thought she had the flu, so mom took her to the doctor, upon which she was promptly admitted to the hospital and within a day diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. Because it's onset is so quick, there was no time to go home; chemotherapy had to begin immediately.
Chemo is a vicious and brutal treatment no human should have to suffer, let alone my precious aunt, who is like a 2nd-Mom /slash/ Big Sister /slash/ Best Friend /slash/ Special Aunt -- all rolled into one. The cancer alone makes you feel so helpless. And then what you think is helping, i.e., chemotherapy, at times hurts her. I hate seeing her in pain, feeling so horrible. I've told her a hundred times I'd take it from her if I could. Take her pain. Take her suffering, her cancer... She's already lost a child in this life. AND had breast cancer. What more does God want her to endure?
This, we can't know. I trust His plan for her and know there is a reason for it. But I admit that I question it. Is that so wrong? I admit that I struggle with the whys and the hows as I ride the daily roller coaster with her. No real answers ever come, except that I'm not in charge, God is. And that at the end of the day, all we can really do is love and laugh and truly adore and empathize with the people in our lives who are so dear to us. Be companions on this crazy journey, right?
One answer did make sense the other day, though. My kids and I were coloring pictures for her room, when a friend walked in the house.
"Who are those for?" she asked.
"Aunt DeeDee!" they screamed with smiles so big. My oldest son added, "She's in the hospital because she's sick."
"She's sick, huh?" friend commented.
"Yeah," said my almost-3 year old so matter-of-fact. "She's really, really sick because she throwed up really bad."
And it was back to coloring.
So simple. So true. So wise. No more questions asked.
If you read this post, please send a prayer up for DeeDee.
We decorated her door for her birthday!