A Letter to My Son on His 13th Birthday

In a few days, you'll officially be a teenager, and there are a few things you should know…

First, you are my greatest blessing.  You were the little life that first made me a mom!  I will never forget the day I found out about you.  Your father and I lived in our lovely, quaint Queen Anne home in Seattle.  I was in the tiny downstairs bathroom when I saw the two pink lines begin to form on the pregnancy test. I sat in wonder, bursting with tears.  When your dad and I went for an ultrasound to make sure you were a healthy baby, your father spotted it first, even before the technician.  You were a boy, he said!  Neither of us had ever been as excited about anything in our whole lives.

I craved Nacho Cheese Doritos and Lay’s Potato Chips for 9 months.  Don’t you notice, if I ever even buy a bag nowadays, they’re gone within a day?  I blame you…

There was a possibility you’d be a Christmas baby, but you came early, on the 21^st, the Winter Solstice.  The Solstice marks the start of winter, and after the 21^st, the days start getting longer.  We would learn later, you ALWAYS love cold weather.

You were a night owl, from the time we brought you home from the hospital.  You refused to sleep unless you were held.  To this day, who is the last one in bed at night? 😊

We’ve had the privilege of watching you grow into a young man who is witty, sensitive, wicked-smart, friendly, selfless, helpful, and calm.  Your athletic ability is good, and you have the potential to be great, with hard work and perseverance.  One of your coaches told me one time that “it just comes easy for him.”  And another teacher told me to “protect his brain, he’s a smart one.”

I’ve watched you assist others who struggle, without being asked.  I’ve seen you remain quiet when you could’ve easily snapped back.  I’ve witnessed you L O V E big, especially when the person on the receiving end may not seem deserving. 

Here’s my advice: 

ALWAYS remain true to yourself.  There’s something my grandfather used to tell me:  “This above all; to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”  In other words, if you know who YOU are, you won’t be false -or lie- to anyone else around you.  Just be you.  

WORK HARD.  Expect NOTHING in return for it.  You are not entitled to anything.  The world owes you nothing.  You are only in control of your attitude and the behavior and effort you show yourself and others.  When you do put in extra, you will be rewarded.  BUT, remain humble.

THE WORLD WILL BREAK YOUR HEART.  Sometimes, sweetie, you won’t get what -or who- you want.  But God always gives you what you need.  Show gratitude.  It’s the only appropriate response.

ALWAYS SHOW RESPECT and KNOW YOUR PLACE.  Know when it’s appropriate to be funny.  Know when it’s not.  Respect your parents, grandparents, your friends’ parents, your teachers, coaches, and peers.  LISTEN, and don’t always feel the urge to talk and explain.  Have compassion for people you encounter.

UNPLUG.  Read books.  You’ve always loved to read.  Sit in silence and BE BORED.  There’s plenty of time for phones and computers, but I want you to remember what it’s like to be alone, with just you. 

NEVER FORGET WHERE HOME IS.  I know you want to travel far and wide.  But always remember where you came from.  Always know that home is wherever your family is.  I will be there for you wherever this life takes you.  Here to celebrate, here to offer a shoulder to lean on when life gets hard, here to listen to you, here to support you, and forever -until my very last breath- here to love you. Don't ever forget who you represent.

Take these words and weave them into the life you are just beginning to create.  As you start these teenage years, you will learn big things and have amazing experiences.  You will also make mistakes and have regrets.  What I always want you to remember is this – you walk around this world with a piece of my heart, and that means I am ALWAYS with you - to support and love you all along the way. 

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, my sweet, precious first-born boy ~

Momma

NOT TODAY: Why I Sent My Children To School

The threat was vague and, according to police, it was not credible. Nonetheless, panic ensued. Arkansas parents and children freaked out.  Social media took rumors and made them fact with ZERO validity.  And once again, we were all left to decipher fact from fiction with little information. 

It all started on a video game chat.  An anonymous person threatened to carry out a mass shooting, first, at an unspecified school in Kentucky on August 28 and then again at an unspecified school in Arkansas on August 29.

I am a journalist by trade, naturally curious yet always a skeptic. The skeptic in me starting asking questions. This must be a hoax, right? Who is saying this? Why is my email blowing up with releases from the Little Rock School District and Arkansas State Police? All they said was they’re aware of the threat and tried to reassure that student safety is of utmost importance.

That left me empty. What am I supposed to do? Send my kids to school?  Keep them home?  Linger on campus throughout the day?

In years past, as a news reporter, we would’ve never considered covering a threat. But this time, one Arkansas police chief told me there have been enough mass shooting in America that investigators are able to study them. And in every case, he said, the shooter said something or did something prior to the violence, but the people who heard or saw it, never came forward with the perceived "threat."  That’s the culture they now want to change, and it's part of the reason we knew about this one. 

I get it.

But is raises a BIG moral and ethical dilemma for me as a mom. Now that we know about these threats (again, in the past, we wouldn't have reported them - because that would've just resulted in fear, panic, attention on the person making the threat; hence, irresponsible reporting), how do you balance the safety of your children versus living a normal everyday life?

I don't have the answers.  But I suppose this is our new normal.

It sickens me that our children were crying at drop off this morning. It was both jarring and comforting that police showed up to the very place we’ve traditionally accepted as safe. It’s absurd, frankly.  My “young brain” screams, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?  My “college brain” wants to debate gun control and the so-called “education bunker” that we at least seem to be creating. And my “mom brain” ONLY wants protect. So, keep my 5th and 7th graders home, right?

Nope. Not today.

Not today will fear win out.

Not today will a coward take away my children's right to learn.

Not today will we stay home and let our educators take the hit alone.

Instead today, we go to school. We talk to our children, not in a panic, but explaining that, sadly, this is part of the world in which we live. We explain -sanely- that not everyone is sane, and we give examples of what that means.  We guide them and love them and hug them a little bit tighter for a little bit longer. 

Today, I told my children not to walk the halls afraid, but to walk in confidence and with courage.  Be smart, not afraid. 

Because today, the bully does not win.

My brave little darlings...

...and that's a wrap!

Me, with just a few more hours until I CAN EAT! 😀

Y'all, it's over. 

Was it worth it?  I guess time will tell.  Looking back on this week following a fasting mimicking diet, I can say that I slept better, felt better as the week went on, lost approximately 8 pounds (as of this morning), and I'm trusting that an "internal clean-up" happened inside my body.

Would I do it again?  Maybe.  This weekend, I'll ease back into food.  I'm a fan of intermittent fasting, as well, so I will probably continue with that. From what I've read, many experts agree that the autophagy process initiates in humans after 18-20 hours of fasting, with maximum benefits once the 48-72 hour mark has been reached (and beyond). 

My goal was to finish the entire 5 days.  I also wanted to see how it felt to fast for this long, to activate the longer term autophagy, or "cleaning house" of old tissue and cells.  I can only trust that it happened.  My other goal was a "reset." To start again on a healthier path.  I achieved those all.

I am extremely grateful for all your words of encouragement and support.  It truly helped me.  I especially loved reading all of your experiences with fasting.  It made me feel less alone! 

Thanks for following along - and keep sharing with me!

 xoxo

Fourth Day, Best Day!

Strangely, I feel like I have energy today.  I even got up and worked out. 😳 I've had virtually no cravings.  My mood feels content and stable. 

I also did something that was even harder than my workout.  I went to the grocery store!  I'm sure you're asking why.  Well, I pick up my children Saturday morning from camp, and we are heading straight to the lake for the weekend, and we will need food!  So I went ahead and knocked it out, purchasing healthier foods than I might have... say... on Tuesday, when I was starved for tacos.  I chose salads, vegetables, fish, etc.

A lot of you have asked about how I'm sustaining myself right now.  Again, I'm following the Prolon Fasting Mimicking Diet.  Here are a few items that are part of the 5-day package I purchased.

This is basically glycerol that I dilute with 32oz of water.  It keeps my energy level up through the day. 

Minestrone is one of the better soups.  It's basically a powder that you mix with water.  You eat the soups for lunch and dinner. 

The vegetable was pretty good too.  Again, a powder that you mix with water. 

You get a bar like this each morning (different flavor) and a couple of nights after dinner. 

3 of the days, you get olives with lunch (and sometimes dinner). 

Basically, you're body doesn't recognize any of it as "food," and as such, you are kept in a fasting state for 5 days.  This just makes you feel as though you get something in your stomach, and there is some nutritional value to keep you functioning.  Also, full disclosure:  I paid for my Prolon.  This is in no way an "ad" for them.  They didn't send it to me for free to try.  It is 100% my choice.

Today, I noticed I do get fatigued easily, but I'm beginning to get some clarity and feel in a strange way "cleansed." I'm thinking this was  probably a pretty positive thing I've done for myself. 

Thanks to all for your encouragement and for following along.  Last day is tomorrow, and until then, xoxo 

Fasting: Day Three

Halfway there!

Someone asked me today how I'm feeling. 

Honestly, as I near the end of the 3rd day without real food and in a fasting state, I thought it would feel worse.  It's kind of like if you had a night without much sleep, and you wake up the next day and feel sort of groggy and fatigued, but you know you have to make it through the day.  It's like you're fine, but you simply have little energy. 

Today was better than yesterday.  The cravings subsided, and I managed not to race up to Heights Taco for tacos!  Last night, I watched Big Little Lies, and I kept noticing the women sharing wine, or they were relaxing with alcohol and food.  I was tempted for a moment to head downstairs for a glass myself, but I managed to resist.  It did make me realize that -as a culture- we so often socialize around food and alcohol.  Also, we often eat and drink for comfort or to fill a void. 

It pushed me to look at when and how I overeat and overdrink.  I'm not sure I really do much in excess, but I've realized through this that we don't need to consume so much to exist.  For me, I view a glass of wine or cocktail, along with yummy food, as a "reward" for hard work or a long day.  Or if the day was somehow "bad," then I really deserve to splurge.  I also eat and drink MORE when I'm in social situations or when I feel uncomfortable in a social setting.  Even thinking about going to a movie this week, it was the popcorn that got me excited (I decided to stay home).  So all of this is making me take a hard look at what works for me and how sustainable it is. 

Another person asked if I was cranky.  Truth be told, my mood has remained steadier this week than when my blood sugar levels are spiking and falling.  It's been an interesting observation.

One more thing... memories have surfaced this week.  I keep thinking of -and missing- my grandmother and grandfather.  I've pulled pictures of when the children were little and even framed some of them.  It made me wonder how much is stored in our bodies and eventually forgotten.  When you begin to truly peel back layers all the way to the core, you're faced with something really raw and very intense.  Sometimes painful, but mostly positive.

I hope I don't cheat tonight.  Even though the cravings aren't as bad, it's still moment to moment. All it takes is one Little Caesars pizza commercial to make me want.  I remind myself - only two days to go!

xoxo

Hungry

It's day two of this five day fast, and I'm HUNGRY. 

In fact, I'm so hungry, I've considered bailing from the whole thing, and heading (well, not heading but RUNNING) up to Heights Taco and Tamale for margaritas and tacos. 😋  I can literally taste the cheese dip melting in my mouth and the crunchy, salty chips.  Just this past hour, I've even dreamed of foods I don't normally eat:  pizza, garlic bread with marinara sauce, creamy pasta, and dare-I-say cake (I hate cake, but if it were in front of my face right now, I swear it would be gone in 30 seconds).   

But I'm not going to eat any of it.  I made a commitment to myself to do something to contribute to long term health and wellness, not only for me, but also so I can be around for my own children and (hopefully one day in the FAR, far future) my grandchildren.  And right now, that means fasting for five days (see previous blog for details on what I'm doing).

It started last night.  I became irritable when I didn't get my evening wine/cocktail (I feared this would happen).  I resisted, but it was almost like I didn't know what to do with myself.  My kids are at camp this week (which is another reason I chose this week to do this, so there would be little to no stress at home, no property disputes among siblings, no brother-sister fights to break up, etc.).  The house is clean, and even though I need to clean out the attic, I'm too fatigued from fasting to do it.  Anybody have Netflix recs?

I slept okay.  In fact, I ended up sleeping longer than normal, and I woke up with a headache.  A bad headache.  Despite that, I went on a two mile walk and practiced yoga for an hour.  I ate my nutrition bar, and my headache subsided.  Then I had my consultation with my fasting coach.  He explained that the second day is typically the toughest, because your body is in ketosis, which means it doesn't have enough carbs from food for your cells to burn for energy, so it burns fat instead.  Shortly after that, he explained, autophagy begins, which is basically the body's way of cleaning out damaged cells in order to regenerate newer, healthier cells (look it up, there is a LOT of research about how this works). Naturally, you feel exhausted.  

On top of the exhaustion, the Prolon powdered soup for lunch was not too tasty.  So I didn't eat it.  Would you want this? 

 

Needless to say... those tacos are sounding better and better. (not. going. to. do. it, not. going. to. drive. up. for. tacos.)😣

Instead, I am preparing the remaining quinoa soup for dinner, along with a few "allowed" olives.  Again, my wine habit is creeping in (I want), and it's making me irritable that I don't "get to have it" tonight.  But I am reminded that this is my own choice, and I am deciding not to have it in exchange for something greater.  Other than my irritability around that, I don't find my mood has shifted much at all.   So far, just hunger.  The Prolon program allows for a glycerol solution to add to water, along with tea.  It all helps stave off cravings, but right now, I swear I could eat my weight in food.  Speaking of, I'm monitoring that this week, too, to see if weight is affected by the fasting-mimicking diet.  

For now, I'll eat the soup and tuck in early.  But I bet I dream about tacos!  xoxo

Five

Five.  Five-oh.  Fifty.

It's staring me in the face. Truth is, I turn 48 this summer, but 50 looms.  Right there, in the background.  The fifth decade.  The one whose landscape is colored with of hot flashes, bifocals, cardigan sweaters, and health ailments.  The beginning of the end.

Or maybe it's just the beginning...

Before we continue on, let me tell what this blog post is NOT.  It's NOT a post about vanity.  It's NOT a post about weight loss or an effort to "look better."  It's NOT a post about starvation or denying nutrition.  It's NOT about defying gravity or resisting the most natural part of life, something that happens to us all:  aging.

Life is meant to be lived, and I want to be here to experience it all.  My children are still young.  And I want to be around -and healthy- for a long time to come.  So, this IS a post about an effort to increase my own longevity.  It IS a post about trying something new.    And it IS one of five posts to come this week that will hopefully help to hold me accountable in the process.  Also, so many people have asked what this is, why I'm doing it, and what it entails.  This is an easy way to explain it.

My friend introduced me to what's called a "fasting mimicking diet," a few weeks ago.   She shared of the health benefits, and she encouraged me to try it. It was invented by researchers at the University of Southern California Longevity Institute. A journalist and curious personality by nature, I need research before I try anything.  And by all accounts, the studies show it works.  For five days, you eat the small packaged items you purchase from Prolon and basically trick your body into thinking it's in a fast.  There is evidence fasting cleans up aging and damaged cells and creates new cell growth.  Some studies show it helps reduce inflammation, slows aging, burns fat, even thwarts cancer. Worth a try.

I've never felt I could make it through a simple fast on my own (only water), but I've always wanted the health benefits.  So I'm partially doing this as an experiment -but also to see if I feel less tired, more energized, less hungry (all the things that begin to happen at this age).  In this way, I'm able to have small bites, so that my body believes it's getting something.  And here I am on Day One (of five).

Breakfast, was a small, but tasty, plant based bar and a small cup of coffee.  For lunch, tomato soup (a plant based powder mixed with water), kale crackers, and some olives.  Snack was another bar and some tea.  Dinner is minestrone soup and a small chocolate crisp type of bar.  No alcohol (which will be hardest for me, to be totally honest) and light exercise (which will also be tricky).  Everything tasted OK (not my favorite, but definitely not bad).

I feel like today is just preparation for the week ahead.  I feel pretty good right now.  My mood is content.  I am worried, though, that tonight before bed, my (not-so-healthy) habit of wine will creep into my head, and temptation will set in. I have a plan to have tea nearby and a good book.

I know I can do this.  After all, five days isn't too long considering I'm nearly five decades on this earth, right?

For me, this is just the beginning.

All for the children...

It's all for the children.  Tell them, Soiree! Here's their most-perfect article on why I am so passionate about helping vulnerable Arkansas children, written by the amazing Jess Ardrey.

HUGE thank you to THV 11 for supporting my mission to help.  Here's the article we sent out this afternoon.

As for the photos, the talented Jason Masters captured these.  Malina Tabor styled.  Vince Palermo designed the shoot, and Lori Wenger did my hair and makeup. 

What I love most?  This shines light on the children who deserve to be seen.   I will never stop advocating on their behalf.

Buy tickets to help Centers for Youth and Families and attend the Evolve gala with us:  https://e.givesmart.com/events/bGE/

(((((BEHIND THE SCENES )))))

Not Normal

I can tell by the looks on people’s faces when I tell them.  

It’s anything from mouth-slightly-open-for-a-moment-before-they-catch-themselves-and-then-offer-an-obligatory, “oh, that sounds nice.” 

To shock.  “REALLY?”  “Wow.” “I cannot believe you do that.” 

To the questions.  “How does that work?” “Where do you stay?”  “Don’t y’all fight?”   

Then to the blatant -sometimes quite rude- comments.  “That’s just weird.” “I thought the goal was to get away from your ex.”  “I would NEVER…”

Then I hear about people saying things to other people, like, "I mean, why did they divorce in the first place?" Or “I just don’t understand them.” 

It’s really for no one to understand but us, though.  And truthfully, we probably don’t even understand sometimes. 

But it’s true.  I’m spending Spring Break with my son, daughter, ex-husband, his wife, and my significant person.  We also spent Christmas together.  Easter, too.  And even took my son on a trip to watch the Saints play in New Orleans for his 12th birthday.

Ok. I acknowledge it’s extraordinary.  And by extraordinary, I mean not normal.  But what is normal anyway?  I’ll get to that in a minute.  I also mean, extraordinary - that we are even able to do it.  Most people say they could not.  But I don’t believe that.  It’s just a matter of where you put your focus and how easily you’re able to let go.  Really let go.   

When we parted 8 years ago, it was acrimonious.  As most divorces are.  There were hateful texts, property disputes, arguments… just general vitriol toward each other, compounded by the absolute way we were shattered every time we said goodbye to our children and sent them off to their other parent’s home.  Something was born from those shattered pieces, though.  We agreed back then to legally share custody of our son and daughter.  A true 50-50 split in both decision-making and time spent together.  Everyone warned that it was tough to do it because of the amount of communication required and because of the fact we would have to see each other a lot.  We did it anyway.  We also agreed that a parent was greater than anyone else in their lives, meaning, if the children were with him on “his day” but he had to work, for example, I was the go-to, rather than a sitter.  If neither was available, then someone else.  

So here we were, two adults who once chose to marry and have two children.  Who then chose to divorce.  Who now have to forge some type of relationship moving ahead.  I suppose we didn’t “have” to forge that relationship, but we meant it when we said that our children came first and that they needed both of us moving forward.   

No need to belabor, but it was not pretty during those first years.  Tough for everyone. I remember reading somewhere that it wasn’t a divorce that affects children, as much as how parents act after the divorce that hits them hard.  I read that if the fighting continues, so does damage to the little ones.   So we tried to stop fighting.  We got used to seeing each other at games, in the morning before school drop off, weekends when the kids would ask if we could eat together first before going to their “other house.”  We didn’t give false hope of a reunification.  Just tried to put differences aside, for them.  

One day, I remember going through old pictures.  I was going to throw a bunch out, and I casually mentioned it.  He said to me, “No!  Give them to me before you do that.  Just because we’re divorced doesn’t mean that isn’t part of our family history.”   I recall thinking, that's a pretty great way to look at it.  Simply as history.  My children’s history.  Laughs, love, vacations, births of babies.  I think that's when I began to soften.  I very slowly started to let go of all the hurt and hate.  I believe he did the same thing. 

It took time, but a beautiful friendship unfolded.  We were able to ask how each other was doing.  We offered each other support when it came to parenting and the general well-being of everyone.  Months became years, and, suddenly, it wasn’t so terse. 

Soon, he met someone, and so did I. The children love each of them dearly.  And they each love our children.  I don’t believe I could ask for any more.  I adore their stepmother.  She adores the children, and they love her dearly. She is incredibly kind and generous.  My “friend” is the CEO of fun, always pushing for adventure.  He and my ex get along very well. 

Back to whether it’s normal.. is any family situation? And who really cares?  In my role as a storyteller sharing stories of children in foster care up for adoption, I’ve seen versions of happy families no one ever could’ve dreamed.  Sadly, I’ve seen the opposite, too.  Children seem to thrive where there’s stability and love.  No matter what that looks like.  This isn't necessarily what I dreamed up for my life, but it's stable.  And there's a whole lotta love. 

So here we are, at the beach for Spring Break.  In the same big beach house, with enough space for everyone.  Drove down in the same car (yes, people ask us these questions!).  Their dad reminded before we planned it (and were considering doing something separately), we only have a few spring breaks left with them before they won't want to go with us anymore."  THAT is why we do this.  

Their step-mom sweetly joked, “maybe we should all wear our white shirts, khakis, and take a beach picture for Christmas cards! That would really freak people out!”  Kidding aside, I’m finished rambling... with one reminder.  Why judge?  Let go of the hate and how you think it should look.  Love one another. Be good to each other.  You never know where it will lead…  xoxo

All of us on the most beautiful day (from my son’s birthday trip)