TikTok, An Access Letter & Our Invisible Enemy

It took a TikTok video to finally send me into tears.  TikTok.  The app I've grown to both love and hate.

Since March 11, when the pandemic showed it's ugly face in my community, it's been a non-stop rush to calmly inform, uncover and report facts to thousands of people who rely on me everyday.  Not fear-based, incorrect, shrill information.  Just the plain 'ole truth.  These days it takes some real thoughtfulness and digging to actually find it.  Needless to say, there really hasn't been a moment for me to stop to process what this all means.

Until I saw the 25 second TikTok..

I was home with my children.  Thankfully, they've been decently proactive about getting their schoolwork done.  It's going pretty well!  It took some adjusting in the first couple of days, but we're are trying for somewhat of a routine at this point.  Honestly, it's utter chaos! And that's okay.  But we are doing our best..  aren't we all?

Anyway, we were all home a couple nights ago, and I'd been rushing to update the growing number of people infected in our community with this invisible enemy.  My daughter came up to me, and excitedly said, "Mom! Look at the TikTok I made."

Thinking it would be one of these weird, viral dances their generation posts, I sluggishly looked away from my phone - to her phone- except this time, I was stunned.

Her post read, "My last year at Forest Park (elementary school), and I might not get to finish it 😢😢 I love you so much FP! Thank you for my great years here.."  The song lyrics "You Were Good To Me," accompanied photos of my sweetest girl with her best friends from the first day of school, until now.

Now.

What is "now" anyway?  This new reality, this new way of living, this new thing called "social-distancing."  This disruption and utter removal of all things we thought made life fun, worth living.  No March Madness.  Just a new madness.  Friends of ours now unemployed.  Friends with family in nursing facilities infected with thing we cannot see, hear, or touch - keeping us all from touching each other.  Her first day of school -living our old normal - up until now.

Her beautiful post showed me that the most basic, taken-for-granted things - as simple as the school bell every morning, daily friendships on the playground, a last school year at a beloved elementary - those things are gone for her.

The next day at the television station, I was given my "access letter" from the federal government in the event restrictions are placed or a lock down happens. This letter is to be kept in my car, I was told. It gives me (and every journalist) special permission to be out in the community if we are all quarantined.  It states I am "providing emergency communications and.... support to critical communications infrastructure facilities in response to: COVID-19 Declaration of National Emergency."

The TikTok + this letter stopped me long enough to grieve for a moment - to grieve the life I was living before March 11.

I still can't get my head around it all.  My heart is with every patient infected and their families.  It is with health care workers, risking everything they have to provide care. One thing I do know, is while we are apart, we actually need each other more than ever before.  No matter where we've been or how much we may disagree, now is the time for unity in our fight against an enemy that doesn't care who's side we're on.

I believe there is a light in the distance.  And it's going to shine brighter every day through this darkness.  But that light will need us to show how kind and caring we can really be right now.  It will need to see values that sweep past our differences, aiming to serve one another.  It will require vigilance over stupidity.  Persistence and patience through pain.  This virus really might be what unifies us.

I do believe one day soon, those TikTok dances I both love and hate will again be all over my daughter's feed and I won't need a letter to walk -or drive- the streets of the community I love.

Why I'm Paying Attention to Covid19

I'm a broadcast journalist by trade.  I've been a reporter now for 27 years.  Through the years, I've covered tragedy, natural disaster, death. I don't typically panic, nor am I a fearful person.  But I am deeply concerned about the coronavirus and Covid19.  Here's why.

A few weeks ago, I interviewed a state infectious disease expert, who told me that coronavirus is highly contagious, spread by droplets, and it was only a matter of time before it arrived in Arkansas. She was right. As of today, there are 6 patients with presumptively positive test results.  One of them is a child.  There are also countless people who've been in contact with these 6 people.  All of them are now in self-quarantine. There will be more...

We have no defense against coronavirus as a society.  There is no vaccine.  We have no immunity because it's "novel." And you can spread it even when you have no symptoms.  That makes the coronavirus much more dangerous than the flu.  Hardly anyone with the flu is asymptomatic.  They are plainly sick.  But you can spread the coronavirus and never come down with the illness. Coronavirus is most lethal to those in their 70s, 80s, and 90s, along with people who have chronic disease or compromised immunity.

I'm less worried about me, but I'm worried I could carry the virus unknowingly and infect someone who is infirm.

I've heard a number of people say, "this is blown out of proportion," or "the flu kills more people." First, the cancellations and "social distancing" are actions we should all welcome.  These measures are being taken not because Covid19 already happened here, but instead because health experts are working to change the outcome of this pandemic.  Their wish is to reduce the impact in our state.  Arkansas' Health Secretary Dr. Nathaniel Smith said, "we want to interrupt transmission before it occurs." It is a fact that containment stops the spread of virus.  Second, coronavirus vs. influenza is not a fair comparison (see paragraph 3 above).  We are no where near seeing what coronavirus' impact will be in Arkansas or America. We don't know how many will end up infected or how many will die.  Also, experts say we are at least two of years from a truly effective vaccine. 

So, I'm troubled by Covid19's arrival in Arkansas.  By no means am I panicked.  Nor do I suggest you panic.  But vigilance is required. Wash your hands frequently.  Greet each other with a smile instead of a hug or hand shake.  Stay home. Be positive.  And please be well, my friends.  We desperately need each other, we need unity, to make it through this.

In Mourning

Millions of people never even met Kobe Bryant. Yet the entire nation is in mourning. Why is it that we grieve the death of someone we never knew? 

Absolutely, it is one of those moments in life.  You'll never forget where you were when you heard the news that Kobe Bryant died in a helicopter crash. 

Maybe you cried. I did. 

Maybe it kept you awake last night...

..the death of a man who for all practical purposes was a stranger to you.

 But here's the thing, though. Kobe wasn’t a stranger. He was in our homes, on our screens, and he was doing BIG things.  Things we could all get behind.  Things that made us feel we were part of something more. 

I watched Kobe Bryant play at the Staples Center back in 2003. He and Shaquille O’Neal were the Greats. The Giants. (Little known fact: I attended LSU for one year in 1989-1990. I used to see Shaq around campus. I wasn't a huge basketball fan back then, and I really didn’t realize who or what I was witnessing at that time. But... there was just something about him that was almost unreal). It was the same when I saw Kobe play. They were superstars.

Maybe you’ve seen him play too. Maybe not. Doesn’t really matter, because -regardless- his death seems to have packed a real punch.  Why is that?

Is it because Kobe was so larger-than-life, that we just assumed he was truly unstoppable, even in death?  Maybe we hold some collective belief -some hope in this existence- that someone so Great really will live-on forever.  But death is always the great equalizer. The one thing we can count on. Rich, poor. Well known or not. It’s coming for us all...

Maybe it’s that it wasn’t just him. It was his daughter Gianna, too. Maybe it’s those images of him coaching her, hugging her, kissing her head her forehead with such pride. Maybe it's the way he poured himself into her and focused on her potential as a player. Maybe it’s the parent in us who grieves, who thinks about GiGi's mother having lost both her husband and a daughter in one instant. 

Or maybe it’s just that we all do what Kobe Bryant did that morning. What John and Keri Altobelli did.  What Sarah Chester did.  What Christina Mauser did.  We all leave the house. The people we love leave the house. We live.  We work.  We breathe.  And we’re all expected to return home safely that night.  But Kobe didn’t return. GiGi didn’t.  John, Keri, Sarah, Christina, Alyssa, Payton, and Ara Zobayan (the pilot) didn't return home. Maybe that’s why we cry.  Because it could've just as easily been one of us yesterday...

Maybe it’s that he simply inspired us. Think about that. Let that soak in for a moment. If a person you don’t even know inspired you, think what you can do for another human being?

Kobe said it himself:  "The most important thing is to try and inspire people so that they can be great at whatever they want to do." 

Be that.

Take this tragedy, and inspire someone, somewhere, somehow today.  

And squeeze the people you love just a little harder.  Don't miss the chance to tell them you love them.  

You never know when your time -or theirs- will come. 

  

A Letter to My Son on His 13th Birthday

In a few days, you'll officially be a teenager, and there are a few things you should know…

First, you are my greatest blessing.  You were the little life that first made me a mom!  I will never forget the day I found out about you.  Your father and I lived in our lovely, quaint Queen Anne home in Seattle.  I was in the tiny downstairs bathroom when I saw the two pink lines begin to form on the pregnancy test. I sat in wonder, bursting with tears.  When your dad and I went for an ultrasound to make sure you were a healthy baby, your father spotted it first, even before the technician.  You were a boy, he said!  Neither of us had ever been as excited about anything in our whole lives.

I craved Nacho Cheese Doritos and Lay’s Potato Chips for 9 months.  Don’t you notice, if I ever even buy a bag nowadays, they’re gone within a day?  I blame you…

There was a possibility you’d be a Christmas baby, but you came early, on the 21^st, the Winter Solstice.  The Solstice marks the start of winter, and after the 21^st, the days start getting longer.  We would learn later, you ALWAYS love cold weather.

You were a night owl, from the time we brought you home from the hospital.  You refused to sleep unless you were held.  To this day, who is the last one in bed at night? 😊

We’ve had the privilege of watching you grow into a young man who is witty, sensitive, wicked-smart, friendly, selfless, helpful, and calm.  Your athletic ability is good, and you have the potential to be great, with hard work and perseverance.  One of your coaches told me one time that “it just comes easy for him.”  And another teacher told me to “protect his brain, he’s a smart one.”

I’ve watched you assist others who struggle, without being asked.  I’ve seen you remain quiet when you could’ve easily snapped back.  I’ve witnessed you L O V E big, especially when the person on the receiving end may not seem deserving. 

Here’s my advice: 

ALWAYS remain true to yourself.  There’s something my grandfather used to tell me:  “This above all; to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”  In other words, if you know who YOU are, you won’t be false -or lie- to anyone else around you.  Just be you.  

WORK HARD.  Expect NOTHING in return for it.  You are not entitled to anything.  The world owes you nothing.  You are only in control of your attitude and the behavior and effort you show yourself and others.  When you do put in extra, you will be rewarded.  BUT, remain humble.

THE WORLD WILL BREAK YOUR HEART.  Sometimes, sweetie, you won’t get what -or who- you want.  But God always gives you what you need.  Show gratitude.  It’s the only appropriate response.

ALWAYS SHOW RESPECT and KNOW YOUR PLACE.  Know when it’s appropriate to be funny.  Know when it’s not.  Respect your parents, grandparents, your friends’ parents, your teachers, coaches, and peers.  LISTEN, and don’t always feel the urge to talk and explain.  Have compassion for people you encounter.

UNPLUG.  Read books.  You’ve always loved to read.  Sit in silence and BE BORED.  There’s plenty of time for phones and computers, but I want you to remember what it’s like to be alone, with just you. 

NEVER FORGET WHERE HOME IS.  I know you want to travel far and wide.  But always remember where you came from.  Always know that home is wherever your family is.  I will be there for you wherever this life takes you.  Here to celebrate, here to offer a shoulder to lean on when life gets hard, here to listen to you, here to support you, and forever -until my very last breath- here to love you. Don't ever forget who you represent.

Take these words and weave them into the life you are just beginning to create.  As you start these teenage years, you will learn big things and have amazing experiences.  You will also make mistakes and have regrets.  What I always want you to remember is this – you walk around this world with a piece of my heart, and that means I am ALWAYS with you - to support and love you all along the way. 

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, my sweet, precious first-born boy ~

Momma

NOT TODAY: Why I Sent My Children To School

The threat was vague and, according to police, it was not credible. Nonetheless, panic ensued. Arkansas parents and children freaked out.  Social media took rumors and made them fact with ZERO validity.  And once again, we were all left to decipher fact from fiction with little information. 

It all started on a video game chat.  An anonymous person threatened to carry out a mass shooting, first, at an unspecified school in Kentucky on August 28 and then again at an unspecified school in Arkansas on August 29.

I am a journalist by trade, naturally curious yet always a skeptic. The skeptic in me starting asking questions. This must be a hoax, right? Who is saying this? Why is my email blowing up with releases from the Little Rock School District and Arkansas State Police? All they said was they’re aware of the threat and tried to reassure that student safety is of utmost importance.

That left me empty. What am I supposed to do? Send my kids to school?  Keep them home?  Linger on campus throughout the day?

In years past, as a news reporter, we would’ve never considered covering a threat. But this time, one Arkansas police chief told me there have been enough mass shooting in America that investigators are able to study them. And in every case, he said, the shooter said something or did something prior to the violence, but the people who heard or saw it, never came forward with the perceived "threat."  That’s the culture they now want to change, and it's part of the reason we knew about this one. 

I get it.

But is raises a BIG moral and ethical dilemma for me as a mom. Now that we know about these threats (again, in the past, we wouldn't have reported them - because that would've just resulted in fear, panic, attention on the person making the threat; hence, irresponsible reporting), how do you balance the safety of your children versus living a normal everyday life?

I don't have the answers.  But I suppose this is our new normal.

It sickens me that our children were crying at drop off this morning. It was both jarring and comforting that police showed up to the very place we’ve traditionally accepted as safe. It’s absurd, frankly.  My “young brain” screams, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?  My “college brain” wants to debate gun control and the so-called “education bunker” that we at least seem to be creating. And my “mom brain” ONLY wants protect. So, keep my 5th and 7th graders home, right?

Nope. Not today.

Not today will fear win out.

Not today will a coward take away my children's right to learn.

Not today will we stay home and let our educators take the hit alone.

Instead today, we go to school. We talk to our children, not in a panic, but explaining that, sadly, this is part of the world in which we live. We explain -sanely- that not everyone is sane, and we give examples of what that means.  We guide them and love them and hug them a little bit tighter for a little bit longer. 

Today, I told my children not to walk the halls afraid, but to walk in confidence and with courage.  Be smart, not afraid. 

Because today, the bully does not win.

My brave little darlings...

...and that's a wrap!

Me, with just a few more hours until I CAN EAT! 😀

Y'all, it's over. 

Was it worth it?  I guess time will tell.  Looking back on this week following a fasting mimicking diet, I can say that I slept better, felt better as the week went on, lost approximately 8 pounds (as of this morning), and I'm trusting that an "internal clean-up" happened inside my body.

Would I do it again?  Maybe.  This weekend, I'll ease back into food.  I'm a fan of intermittent fasting, as well, so I will probably continue with that. From what I've read, many experts agree that the autophagy process initiates in humans after 18-20 hours of fasting, with maximum benefits once the 48-72 hour mark has been reached (and beyond). 

My goal was to finish the entire 5 days.  I also wanted to see how it felt to fast for this long, to activate the longer term autophagy, or "cleaning house" of old tissue and cells.  I can only trust that it happened.  My other goal was a "reset." To start again on a healthier path.  I achieved those all.

I am extremely grateful for all your words of encouragement and support.  It truly helped me.  I especially loved reading all of your experiences with fasting.  It made me feel less alone! 

Thanks for following along - and keep sharing with me!

 xoxo

Fourth Day, Best Day!

Strangely, I feel like I have energy today.  I even got up and worked out. 😳 I've had virtually no cravings.  My mood feels content and stable. 

I also did something that was even harder than my workout.  I went to the grocery store!  I'm sure you're asking why.  Well, I pick up my children Saturday morning from camp, and we are heading straight to the lake for the weekend, and we will need food!  So I went ahead and knocked it out, purchasing healthier foods than I might have... say... on Tuesday, when I was starved for tacos.  I chose salads, vegetables, fish, etc.

A lot of you have asked about how I'm sustaining myself right now.  Again, I'm following the Prolon Fasting Mimicking Diet.  Here are a few items that are part of the 5-day package I purchased.

This is basically glycerol that I dilute with 32oz of water.  It keeps my energy level up through the day. 

Minestrone is one of the better soups.  It's basically a powder that you mix with water.  You eat the soups for lunch and dinner. 

The vegetable was pretty good too.  Again, a powder that you mix with water. 

You get a bar like this each morning (different flavor) and a couple of nights after dinner. 

3 of the days, you get olives with lunch (and sometimes dinner). 

Basically, you're body doesn't recognize any of it as "food," and as such, you are kept in a fasting state for 5 days.  This just makes you feel as though you get something in your stomach, and there is some nutritional value to keep you functioning.  Also, full disclosure:  I paid for my Prolon.  This is in no way an "ad" for them.  They didn't send it to me for free to try.  It is 100% my choice.

Today, I noticed I do get fatigued easily, but I'm beginning to get some clarity and feel in a strange way "cleansed." I'm thinking this was  probably a pretty positive thing I've done for myself. 

Thanks to all for your encouragement and for following along.  Last day is tomorrow, and until then, xoxo