Fourth Day, Best Day!

Strangely, I feel like I have energy today.  I even got up and worked out. 😳 I've had virtually no cravings.  My mood feels content and stable. 

I also did something that was even harder than my workout.  I went to the grocery store!  I'm sure you're asking why.  Well, I pick up my children Saturday morning from camp, and we are heading straight to the lake for the weekend, and we will need food!  So I went ahead and knocked it out, purchasing healthier foods than I might have... say... on Tuesday, when I was starved for tacos.  I chose salads, vegetables, fish, etc.

A lot of you have asked about how I'm sustaining myself right now.  Again, I'm following the Prolon Fasting Mimicking Diet.  Here are a few items that are part of the 5-day package I purchased.

This is basically glycerol that I dilute with 32oz of water.  It keeps my energy level up through the day. 

Minestrone is one of the better soups.  It's basically a powder that you mix with water.  You eat the soups for lunch and dinner. 

The vegetable was pretty good too.  Again, a powder that you mix with water. 

You get a bar like this each morning (different flavor) and a couple of nights after dinner. 

3 of the days, you get olives with lunch (and sometimes dinner). 

Basically, you're body doesn't recognize any of it as "food," and as such, you are kept in a fasting state for 5 days.  This just makes you feel as though you get something in your stomach, and there is some nutritional value to keep you functioning.  Also, full disclosure:  I paid for my Prolon.  This is in no way an "ad" for them.  They didn't send it to me for free to try.  It is 100% my choice.

Today, I noticed I do get fatigued easily, but I'm beginning to get some clarity and feel in a strange way "cleansed." I'm thinking this was  probably a pretty positive thing I've done for myself. 

Thanks to all for your encouragement and for following along.  Last day is tomorrow, and until then, xoxo 

Fasting: Day Three

Halfway there!

Someone asked me today how I'm feeling. 

Honestly, as I near the end of the 3rd day without real food and in a fasting state, I thought it would feel worse.  It's kind of like if you had a night without much sleep, and you wake up the next day and feel sort of groggy and fatigued, but you know you have to make it through the day.  It's like you're fine, but you simply have little energy. 

Today was better than yesterday.  The cravings subsided, and I managed not to race up to Heights Taco for tacos!  Last night, I watched Big Little Lies, and I kept noticing the women sharing wine, or they were relaxing with alcohol and food.  I was tempted for a moment to head downstairs for a glass myself, but I managed to resist.  It did make me realize that -as a culture- we so often socialize around food and alcohol.  Also, we often eat and drink for comfort or to fill a void. 

It pushed me to look at when and how I overeat and overdrink.  I'm not sure I really do much in excess, but I've realized through this that we don't need to consume so much to exist.  For me, I view a glass of wine or cocktail, along with yummy food, as a "reward" for hard work or a long day.  Or if the day was somehow "bad," then I really deserve to splurge.  I also eat and drink MORE when I'm in social situations or when I feel uncomfortable in a social setting.  Even thinking about going to a movie this week, it was the popcorn that got me excited (I decided to stay home).  So all of this is making me take a hard look at what works for me and how sustainable it is. 

Another person asked if I was cranky.  Truth be told, my mood has remained steadier this week than when my blood sugar levels are spiking and falling.  It's been an interesting observation.

One more thing... memories have surfaced this week.  I keep thinking of -and missing- my grandmother and grandfather.  I've pulled pictures of when the children were little and even framed some of them.  It made me wonder how much is stored in our bodies and eventually forgotten.  When you begin to truly peel back layers all the way to the core, you're faced with something really raw and very intense.  Sometimes painful, but mostly positive.

I hope I don't cheat tonight.  Even though the cravings aren't as bad, it's still moment to moment. All it takes is one Little Caesars pizza commercial to make me want.  I remind myself - only two days to go!

xoxo

Hungry

It's day two of this five day fast, and I'm HUNGRY. 

In fact, I'm so hungry, I've considered bailing from the whole thing, and heading (well, not heading but RUNNING) up to Heights Taco and Tamale for margaritas and tacos. 😋  I can literally taste the cheese dip melting in my mouth and the crunchy, salty chips.  Just this past hour, I've even dreamed of foods I don't normally eat:  pizza, garlic bread with marinara sauce, creamy pasta, and dare-I-say cake (I hate cake, but if it were in front of my face right now, I swear it would be gone in 30 seconds).   

But I'm not going to eat any of it.  I made a commitment to myself to do something to contribute to long term health and wellness, not only for me, but also so I can be around for my own children and (hopefully one day in the FAR, far future) my grandchildren.  And right now, that means fasting for five days (see previous blog for details on what I'm doing).

It started last night.  I became irritable when I didn't get my evening wine/cocktail (I feared this would happen).  I resisted, but it was almost like I didn't know what to do with myself.  My kids are at camp this week (which is another reason I chose this week to do this, so there would be little to no stress at home, no property disputes among siblings, no brother-sister fights to break up, etc.).  The house is clean, and even though I need to clean out the attic, I'm too fatigued from fasting to do it.  Anybody have Netflix recs?

I slept okay.  In fact, I ended up sleeping longer than normal, and I woke up with a headache.  A bad headache.  Despite that, I went on a two mile walk and practiced yoga for an hour.  I ate my nutrition bar, and my headache subsided.  Then I had my consultation with my fasting coach.  He explained that the second day is typically the toughest, because your body is in ketosis, which means it doesn't have enough carbs from food for your cells to burn for energy, so it burns fat instead.  Shortly after that, he explained, autophagy begins, which is basically the body's way of cleaning out damaged cells in order to regenerate newer, healthier cells (look it up, there is a LOT of research about how this works). Naturally, you feel exhausted.  

On top of the exhaustion, the Prolon powdered soup for lunch was not too tasty.  So I didn't eat it.  Would you want this? 

 

Needless to say... those tacos are sounding better and better. (not. going. to. do. it, not. going. to. drive. up. for. tacos.)😣

Instead, I am preparing the remaining quinoa soup for dinner, along with a few "allowed" olives.  Again, my wine habit is creeping in (I want), and it's making me irritable that I don't "get to have it" tonight.  But I am reminded that this is my own choice, and I am deciding not to have it in exchange for something greater.  Other than my irritability around that, I don't find my mood has shifted much at all.   So far, just hunger.  The Prolon program allows for a glycerol solution to add to water, along with tea.  It all helps stave off cravings, but right now, I swear I could eat my weight in food.  Speaking of, I'm monitoring that this week, too, to see if weight is affected by the fasting-mimicking diet.  

For now, I'll eat the soup and tuck in early.  But I bet I dream about tacos!  xoxo

Five

Five.  Five-oh.  Fifty.

It's staring me in the face. Truth is, I turn 48 this summer, but 50 looms.  Right there, in the background.  The fifth decade.  The one whose landscape is colored with of hot flashes, bifocals, cardigan sweaters, and health ailments.  The beginning of the end.

Or maybe it's just the beginning...

Before we continue on, let me tell what this blog post is NOT.  It's NOT a post about vanity.  It's NOT a post about weight loss or an effort to "look better."  It's NOT a post about starvation or denying nutrition.  It's NOT about defying gravity or resisting the most natural part of life, something that happens to us all:  aging.

Life is meant to be lived, and I want to be here to experience it all.  My children are still young.  And I want to be around -and healthy- for a long time to come.  So, this IS a post about an effort to increase my own longevity.  It IS a post about trying something new.    And it IS one of five posts to come this week that will hopefully help to hold me accountable in the process.  Also, so many people have asked what this is, why I'm doing it, and what it entails.  This is an easy way to explain it.

My friend introduced me to what's called a "fasting mimicking diet," a few weeks ago.   She shared of the health benefits, and she encouraged me to try it. It was invented by researchers at the University of Southern California Longevity Institute. A journalist and curious personality by nature, I need research before I try anything.  And by all accounts, the studies show it works.  For five days, you eat the small packaged items you purchase from Prolon and basically trick your body into thinking it's in a fast.  There is evidence fasting cleans up aging and damaged cells and creates new cell growth.  Some studies show it helps reduce inflammation, slows aging, burns fat, even thwarts cancer. Worth a try.

I've never felt I could make it through a simple fast on my own (only water), but I've always wanted the health benefits.  So I'm partially doing this as an experiment -but also to see if I feel less tired, more energized, less hungry (all the things that begin to happen at this age).  In this way, I'm able to have small bites, so that my body believes it's getting something.  And here I am on Day One (of five).

Breakfast, was a small, but tasty, plant based bar and a small cup of coffee.  For lunch, tomato soup (a plant based powder mixed with water), kale crackers, and some olives.  Snack was another bar and some tea.  Dinner is minestrone soup and a small chocolate crisp type of bar.  No alcohol (which will be hardest for me, to be totally honest) and light exercise (which will also be tricky).  Everything tasted OK (not my favorite, but definitely not bad).

I feel like today is just preparation for the week ahead.  I feel pretty good right now.  My mood is content.  I am worried, though, that tonight before bed, my (not-so-healthy) habit of wine will creep into my head, and temptation will set in. I have a plan to have tea nearby and a good book.

I know I can do this.  After all, five days isn't too long considering I'm nearly five decades on this earth, right?

For me, this is just the beginning.

All for the children...

It's all for the children.  Tell them, Soiree! Here's their most-perfect article on why I am so passionate about helping vulnerable Arkansas children, written by the amazing Jess Ardrey.

HUGE thank you to THV 11 for supporting my mission to help.  Here's the article we sent out this afternoon.

As for the photos, the talented Jason Masters captured these.  Malina Tabor styled.  Vince Palermo designed the shoot, and Lori Wenger did my hair and makeup. 

What I love most?  This shines light on the children who deserve to be seen.   I will never stop advocating on their behalf.

Buy tickets to help Centers for Youth and Families and attend the Evolve gala with us:  https://e.givesmart.com/events/bGE/

(((((BEHIND THE SCENES )))))

Not Normal

I can tell by the looks on people’s faces when I tell them.  

It’s anything from mouth-slightly-open-for-a-moment-before-they-catch-themselves-and-then-offer-an-obligatory, “oh, that sounds nice.” 

To shock.  “REALLY?”  “Wow.” “I cannot believe you do that.” 

To the questions.  “How does that work?” “Where do you stay?”  “Don’t y’all fight?”   

Then to the blatant -sometimes quite rude- comments.  “That’s just weird.” “I thought the goal was to get away from your ex.”  “I would NEVER…”

Then I hear about people saying things to other people, like, "I mean, why did they divorce in the first place?" Or “I just don’t understand them.” 

It’s really for no one to understand but us, though.  And truthfully, we probably don’t even understand sometimes. 

But it’s true.  I’m spending Spring Break with my son, daughter, ex-husband, his wife, and my significant person.  We also spent Christmas together.  Easter, too.  And even took my son on a trip to watch the Saints play in New Orleans for his 12th birthday.

Ok. I acknowledge it’s extraordinary.  And by extraordinary, I mean not normal.  But what is normal anyway?  I’ll get to that in a minute.  I also mean, extraordinary - that we are even able to do it.  Most people say they could not.  But I don’t believe that.  It’s just a matter of where you put your focus and how easily you’re able to let go.  Really let go.   

When we parted 8 years ago, it was acrimonious.  As most divorces are.  There were hateful texts, property disputes, arguments… just general vitriol toward each other, compounded by the absolute way we were shattered every time we said goodbye to our children and sent them off to their other parent’s home.  Something was born from those shattered pieces, though.  We agreed back then to legally share custody of our son and daughter.  A true 50-50 split in both decision-making and time spent together.  Everyone warned that it was tough to do it because of the amount of communication required and because of the fact we would have to see each other a lot.  We did it anyway.  We also agreed that a parent was greater than anyone else in their lives, meaning, if the children were with him on “his day” but he had to work, for example, I was the go-to, rather than a sitter.  If neither was available, then someone else.  

So here we were, two adults who once chose to marry and have two children.  Who then chose to divorce.  Who now have to forge some type of relationship moving ahead.  I suppose we didn’t “have” to forge that relationship, but we meant it when we said that our children came first and that they needed both of us moving forward.   

No need to belabor, but it was not pretty during those first years.  Tough for everyone. I remember reading somewhere that it wasn’t a divorce that affects children, as much as how parents act after the divorce that hits them hard.  I read that if the fighting continues, so does damage to the little ones.   So we tried to stop fighting.  We got used to seeing each other at games, in the morning before school drop off, weekends when the kids would ask if we could eat together first before going to their “other house.”  We didn’t give false hope of a reunification.  Just tried to put differences aside, for them.  

One day, I remember going through old pictures.  I was going to throw a bunch out, and I casually mentioned it.  He said to me, “No!  Give them to me before you do that.  Just because we’re divorced doesn’t mean that isn’t part of our family history.”   I recall thinking, that's a pretty great way to look at it.  Simply as history.  My children’s history.  Laughs, love, vacations, births of babies.  I think that's when I began to soften.  I very slowly started to let go of all the hurt and hate.  I believe he did the same thing. 

It took time, but a beautiful friendship unfolded.  We were able to ask how each other was doing.  We offered each other support when it came to parenting and the general well-being of everyone.  Months became years, and, suddenly, it wasn’t so terse. 

Soon, he met someone, and so did I. The children love each of them dearly.  And they each love our children.  I don’t believe I could ask for any more.  I adore their stepmother.  She adores the children, and they love her dearly. She is incredibly kind and generous.  My “friend” is the CEO of fun, always pushing for adventure.  He and my ex get along very well. 

Back to whether it’s normal.. is any family situation? And who really cares?  In my role as a storyteller sharing stories of children in foster care up for adoption, I’ve seen versions of happy families no one ever could’ve dreamed.  Sadly, I’ve seen the opposite, too.  Children seem to thrive where there’s stability and love.  No matter what that looks like.  This isn't necessarily what I dreamed up for my life, but it's stable.  And there's a whole lotta love. 

So here we are, at the beach for Spring Break.  In the same big beach house, with enough space for everyone.  Drove down in the same car (yes, people ask us these questions!).  Their dad reminded before we planned it (and were considering doing something separately), we only have a few spring breaks left with them before they won't want to go with us anymore."  THAT is why we do this.  

Their step-mom sweetly joked, “maybe we should all wear our white shirts, khakis, and take a beach picture for Christmas cards! That would really freak people out!”  Kidding aside, I’m finished rambling... with one reminder.  Why judge?  Let go of the hate and how you think it should look.  Love one another. Be good to each other.  You never know where it will lead…  xoxo

All of us on the most beautiful day (from my son’s birthday trip)

Tale of Two Football Moms

S'cuse the language, y'all, but sh** got real a few weeks back. 

For the very first time, my first-born, precious, smart, sweet, kind-hearted, sensitive son suited up.

Not for church. Or a wedding.

But for football.

Yes, tackle football.

Helmet, pads, mouth guard, back plate, cleats.  All of it.

Ever since, it's been the Tale of Two Moms playing out on the gridiron inside my own brain.

"YES, yes, YESSSSSSSSS, that's my son!" screams Mom #1, as he rushes the ball 40+ yards down the field.

"NO, no, NOOOOOOO, don't touch my boy!  Get off him.  YOU'RE GONNA HURT HIM!" from Mom #2.

One part of me rationalizes this decision to let him play.  They get hurt in basketball and soccer too.
But then again, they're not deliberately shoving each other down in those sports either.

Then, his coach tells me how he proves himself a strong player every day at practice, bringing his "A" game and setting a good example.  And the mama bear in me is so proud.  But then, I watch as two fellow players suffer a broken arm and a broken leg, respectively, at this week's junior varsity and varsity games. 

I watch as their "team" takes shape, all suffering when one players is in trouble; celebrating triumph upon a win.  I hear their nicknames, "J-Boogie," for my young son, "Sunny D," for one of his very best friends. Mom #1 beams, amazed at the power of their combined effort and their pride. 

Then, Mom #2 screams, what are you doing here????   Have you not read the studies????  I mean, his brain is rapidly developing.  He turns 12 in a couple months.  It seems pretty basic that he shouldn't be banging heads with other kids the same age, right?  Concussions, CTE, vulnerability to brain conditions, Google goes on and on and on.

How do I reconcile these two voices?  The one that knows the risk, with the one who lets him play anyway, even cheering from the sidelines when he's on the field?

I will share a few personal notes.

First, his father and I did NOT let him play until now.  We looked into flag football, but we quickly saw the boys tackling anyway, and we screamed a resounding, "no."  But over time, our son asked repeatedly for a chance to play.  He wanted to try it.  We also noticed his love for the sport, as he watched college and professional athletes, ad nauseum, often researching plays and players, spouting off facts that few people could ever remember.    
 
Second, my father played as a rookie for the Oakland Raiders in the early 1970s. I know he took hits and back then, pads and helmets weren't what they are today.  He struggled later in his life.  Whether or not football was a factor, we will never know (a topic I may or may not blog about here one day soon, if you'd like to hear more).  Also, one of my uncles played college football, and another uncle was an NFL draft pick, but instead chose medical school. A family of football players AND brains, adding more to this very intimate struggle.

Ultimately, it's my son's path to navigate.   And you don't need me to tell you, life is risk.  A coin toss.  As parents we simply do everything we can.  But we can't control everything.  At this stage, I know he is learning proper technique, is engaging on a level of greater intensity and higher physicality.  Equipment technology is improving at an incredible pace.  Tackle football tightens the bond between teammates. 

For these reasons right now, I'm ok with the decision to let him play.  But if something happens, I reserve the right to change my mind.  Because isn't that what we, as parents, do?  The best we can for our children, until we know better?

In the meantime, Mom #1 will be in the stands Saturday morning, screaming BIG, for her beloved #25 to play his heart out.